(Un)Invited

Sometimes, we invite change; other times, it invites us. After all, it is one of life’s few constants. But, either way, change is inevitable and bound to show up on our doorstep. I read quotes all the time that try and relieve the stress of abrupt or subtle shifts. Inspiring as they are: I gotta admit — when change demands an RSVP — audible encouragement doesn’t always work! I still often (sub)consciously mark ‘no!’ Well, over the years, I’ve discerned a few things in those doorstep moments that have helped usher me onto the red carpet of change…

First, I can either let go or be dragged. Sounds like an obvious choice, but you’d be surprised. I’m with Yoda…funny thing the human condition is. Come on now! I am not the only one who has a hard time releasing behaviors, people, places, or things — detrimental or beneficial — and embracing the new!

Second, I came to the realization that my process-oriented mind needed a play-by-play to fully understand the how of embracing change (cue the scary piano music). Deep breath in aaaaaaaaaand exhale out. Disclaimer: by no means am I claiming to have a full proof plan, but I’ve come to recognize a few informal steps that have helped ease the winding path.

Step one: whether you chose change or change chose you, accept the circumstance. Acceptance is so powerful. It’s not complacency. It’s energetic preservation. More resistance means more resource depletion on the current situation (P.S. energy and time are the most valuable resources!), and ultimately, can result in more harm to self. Don’t get me wrong! Give yourself time and space to process, but do what you gotta do to get to acceptance. Show yourself some compassion. Instead of attaching sentimental meaning by blaming yourself (anyone else, for that matter) or feeling guilty for being happy, relieved, etc.; just hold a safe space for yourself to feel whatever the heck you feel — sans judgement.

Then, take all that extra time and energy to focus on what is ahead. Lean into it, as Sandberg says.

Step two: hands down the most important aspect of flowing with change is adaptivity. Forget routine, rigidity, and consistency and think flow, flexibility, and ambiguity (Thank you Adam Grant! I used to be a zealous fan of consistency, then realized: that safety technique can also get us stuck into ruts!). The ability to adapt to circumstances is one of life’s most underrated skills. I can’t even call it a skill, it is literally a primal instinct. We all got it — use it or lose it!

Finally, an important News Flash: embracing change isn’t always linear. Sometimes, it’s unicorns and Skittles. Other times, it’s boohoos and buckets of ice cream. It’s OK. Remember: acceptance and adaptivity are the name of the game! And, with time, space to heal, and concentrated effort towards the new; there will be less craning backwards to catch glimpses of what was and more focus on the forward motion down the highway of life (OK, OK maybe with a few reminiscent glimpses in the rearview but no rubbernecking!). Admittedly, change can be one of the hardest aspects in life to embrace. Paradoxically, as most challenges go, it can also be among the most rewarding. So, go ahead — invite change in!