Good Night, Body. Thank You.
Everybody talks about how enlightening your 40s are — and they are! PSA: it’s also when your body informs you can’t necessarily do all the things you used to jump up and do without prepping. Well, you can, but not without consequence…
Many of us remember the children’s book “Goodnight Moon,” where the premise of the short narrative is to go through the ritual of saying ‘goodnight’ to various objects in the bedroom. Like it or not, this book comes to mind, not just because I grew up on it, but because when I go to bed now, I literally bid restful and grateful sleep to — not the objects in the room — but my body…crazy, I know. But, after all, ‘truth is stranger than fiction.’
Let me explain.
I love to exercise. Like many, it’s how I (try to) manage stress, weight, and an overactive mind. (Thank you to my-oh-so-many Mars placements: we get ‘er done)! About 6 weeks ago, I decided to go for a run without properly stretching, mind you, because I was rushing to get in my endorphin rush in between Clubhouse and heading out of town to drop off my signed books! As a means of multitasking, I decided to stretch on the treadmill quickly — while I had on compression leggings. P.S. BIG mistake. I did a stretch I always do to warm-up but this time, I accidentally overextended — and that was it. I tore an ab muscle, which set off a chain reaction.
If you’re an active person and sustain an injury — you will appreciate this next, simultaneously, asinine decision I made in that moment. I felt a sharp pain in my side abs that extended down a foot. Believe it or not, I cognitively convinced myself that I was cramping. So basically, I could run this off. Deeper down: I knew — something(s) wasn’t right. While ‘running off my cramp’ and the pain steadily intensifying, I rationalized: ‘well, this is probably the last good run I’m going to have for a minute, so I might as well make it count.’ And, I pushed harder. P.P.S. even BIGGER mistake (anytime you have to negotiate with yourself — you know somethin’ ain’t right!). I had a great run…but good God, I paid and am STILL paying for it.
Since that day, I’ve had a consistent string of doctors and physical therapy visits; plus a handful of different treatments to help my body heal. You see, the ab muscles are apparently delicate (note to self: be gentle) and that whole area is acutely interconnected. So a misstep in one spot, literally triggers off a ripple, or in my case, cascading waterfall effect across several other areas that then require individually, yet synchronized treatment.
The doctors, physical therapists, nurses, and assistants have been incredible — and essential — in helping me understand exactly how different muscles and body parts work together and the importance of: sustained strength maintenance, correct posture, as well as, proper stretching. I will tell you what: I have a new found respect for every single thing the body does, whether consciously or automatically. I thought I was grateful and attune before…
Negative Ghost Rider.
In the not-so-distant past, I’ve spent countless nights going through my nightly routine littering my head space with unnecessarily harsh critiques: ‘I gotta do something about my bat wings’ or ‘man, this pooch’ (ladies, I know y’all feel me!) NO MAS (as my Puerto Rican crew says)… ok, ok, not as much! But — now — when I get ready for bed, I literally hug myself and say: “Goodnight arms, thank you. Good night wrists, thank you. Good night, stomach, thank you. Good night, knees, thank you.” I thank everything I can possibly recall before drifting off to sleep…
I have also granted myself some grace and allowance to rest, really rest, when (I know) I need to. Such is life and its intricate balance: sometimes, it’s go-time; other times, it’s nap-time.
At a cellular level, human nature tends to take things for granted. Yet, also know that life can change in an instant — in a car, at a sidewalk, or on a treadmill. I’ve learned to be grateful for so much more that I didn’t give second thought to before — a blink, a breath, a painless walk, or just the ability to sit. I’ve also learned to let myself rest and heal sans guilt — to listen to my body. I wish I recognized and celebrated the magnificence of the human form before (beyond the Olympics!)…especially my own.
Thankfully, this was a minor injury relative to what so many others have to face in terms of health complications, especially in the midst of a pandemic. Still, I grew exponentially from the experience and am genuinely grateful to everyone who helped me in this process of healing…ultimately, awareness heightening.
Oh! And good night, hands, thank you, too!
